What is there to say? I'm not very interesting. I'm not a good writer. I don't even dress well. If you insist on knowing something about me just wander through the archives. It's all there.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

On a drawer in my kitchen

In the kitchen, there is a drawer filled to the top with plastic and metal cooking gadgets. Among the many objects, I found an orange plastic spout that you can stick into a fresh orange and after squishing the orange around for a while, you can pour out orange juice. I have a serrated metal ring device with a handle that is supposed to remove the kernels from an ear of fresh corn. There is a screw on pumper cap to preserve the bubbles in a two-liter bottle of soda. The melon baller is the deluxe variety that can create two different sizes of melon balls. I have a wheeled tool that makes scalloped edges on piecrusts. My yellow plastic egg yolk separator is exactly the same color as my ear of corn shaped nylon vegetable cleaning brush. I have not one, but two sets of little tiny pickle forks and, at least, three sets of tiny jelly spreaders. I have a beautifully crafted stainless steel cherry pitter that makes me think of medieval tortures. There is an oblong screw type cutter that is supposed to make it possible to create long spiral slices of potato. For removing the strings from celery, I have a wicked looking “cheese grater looking thing married to pair of pliers” tool.

It doesn’t bother me that much that I have this drawerful of junk. I am not overly bothered by the fact that I don't think I've ever used a single one of these items. What bothers me the most is that I have no recollection of every acquiring any of them. Have I been the victim of intermittent kitchen thingee amnesia? I am fairly certain that I never entered a store, purchased the yellow plastic egg yolk separator, drove it home and lovingly placed it in that drawer. I have no memory of ever unwrapping a gift from under the Christmas tree and finding my corncob kernel stripper. Where did they come from? Did some well-intentioned, but oddly unbalanced intruder place them in that drawer? Did they just appear there drawn to my kitchen drawer from some parallel universe by forces beyond my understanding? Will they someday disappear and return to that other dimension taken up in a sort of kitchen gadget rapture?

The older I get the more I wonder about these kinds of things. My children are worried.


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