What is there to say? I'm not very interesting. I'm not a good writer. I don't even dress well. If you insist on knowing something about me just wander through the archives. It's all there.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

On bumper stickers

I don’t have any bumper stickers on my car. I have never had a bumper sticker on any car that I have ever owned. Some of the bumper stickers (bs) that I see on other cars are quite clever. I do enjoy the little chuckles while driving. There are, at least, three reasons why I have never put one on my vehicles.

1) I would rather that other people pay attention to my erratic use of the turn signal and brakes. Puzzling over some cryptic message on my car could make the term “bumper” become prophetic.

2) The glue that is used to hold the bs on is amazingly tenacious. I don’t think you can remove it without also taking off a layer of paint, chrome, or plastic. (Why is it that bumper stickers (bss’?) can stay adhered to a car in all weather conditions for years on end, but the soles come unglued from my sneakers after about two weeks? Someone should get these guys together so that they can compare notes on the appropriate use of adhesives.)

3) If I really cared about some noble institution or cause, is the butt-end of my car the most appropriate place to display my lofty sentiments? (See On why we identify so strongly with our cars on this blog.) I know that many people display designer names on the rear of their pants. If I, however, were to feel the need to name by posterior; I think I could better than “Ralph”.

I don’t have any tattoos either. Several times in my life, I considered getting one. I have admired several that I have seen on others. The problem was that I could never pick out a design that I knew I would still like five years later. Styles and tastes are fickle. What if you could only style your hair once? How would you choose the look that you would have for the rest of your life? There are some poor souls out there who would enter the boardroom today sporting mullets. That’s the rub with tattoos. I would want to still be happy with it many years later. It was also hard to find an image that would still look good when it (I) became wrinkled. A flag might be wrinkle safe. It would just look like the wind that was holding it straight out had died down to a light rippling breeze.

Placement and having to get stuck with sharp metal objects were also major obstacles that I could not overcome. Ralph and I don’t like needles.


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