On returning some books to the library

I had to return some books to the library today. While out on this errand, I became enmeshed in what is a holiday tradition in this area: traffic gridlock. I crept along for about three blocks and after twenty minutes finally turned off onto a side street to get past the automotive tangle ahead. Now, I could creep along in one lane of northbound traffic instead of two. "Oh, joyous season..."

As I barreled along at minus five mph, I saw a yellow sign along the side of the street. It read, “Traffic Calming Ahead”. “What a strange sign”, I thought. However, just as I crept past the sign I was suddenly engulfed in an overwhelming wave of peace and tranquility. Rainbow colored highlights glinted off my windshield. The radio, which had been playing a medley of Rod Zombies Greatest Hits, suddenly retuned itself to the sounds of the “Rain Forest Accompanied by Sitar and Pan-flute.” All was right with the world. I just wanted to stop the car right there and hug my fellow drivers on this grand road of life. Perhaps, we could hold hands and, maybe sing a song. “Kumbi-yah …”

As I turned back onto the main road from the side street, I was startled as the sounds of discordant guitar riffs once more caused my rear view mirror to vibrate violently. My blood pressure started to peak. I couldn’t believer how awful the other drivers had suddenly become. Did they all get their licenses at Sears? “If this #%! in front of me doesn’t take his %^@!* foot off his &@^!!# brake, I’m going to ….”