On yelling at the television set
I suffer from Remote Rage. It seems that I am unable to watch television without yelling at it. I’m not sure if there is a twelve-step program that will help me overcome this malady; but if not, there should be one. It makes my wife shake her head and expel a long-suffering sigh. It is particularly embarrassing to the kids when they have a friend over to play. How do they explain away their father loudly shouting, “You’re an idiot!” at an inanimate object?
The usual triggers for such outbursts are, of course, news shows. There are some public figures that should never be allowed to speak over the public airwaves. They say stupid things. I am unable to stop myself from loudly pointing out this fact to their taped broadcast image.
News commentary shows are the worst offenders. In high school debate, one of the most common, but silliest strategies for winning was to talk really fast. If you could talk fast enough to put out so many arguments that your opponents couldn’t possibly respond to each one in the time allotted, you scored “points’. It was idiotic. News commentators and panelists seem to have developed a similar strategy involving interrupting and talking over anyone presenting an opposing viewpoint. Whose brilliant idea was this? I find myself yelling even louder and telling them to “shut up”, so I can hear the other side of the issue. How will I know if I agree or disagree if some moron who I have already listened to is talking over them?
I have a proposal. I think when they introduce the panelists and show their names under them, they should also have their mother’s name and phone number. Better yet, have their moms standing by in the studio with their own phone lines. When one of the panelists starts interrupting and trying to shout down someone, we should be able to tell his or her mother. That mom could walk onto the set, slap them up side of the head and remind them that she did not raise them to act like that. I predict that it would almost instantly end the annoying interruptions.
Now if we could only torture and imprison anyone who is found guilty of writing an infomercial, I could finally watch television in silence.
The usual triggers for such outbursts are, of course, news shows. There are some public figures that should never be allowed to speak over the public airwaves. They say stupid things. I am unable to stop myself from loudly pointing out this fact to their taped broadcast image.
News commentary shows are the worst offenders. In high school debate, one of the most common, but silliest strategies for winning was to talk really fast. If you could talk fast enough to put out so many arguments that your opponents couldn’t possibly respond to each one in the time allotted, you scored “points’. It was idiotic. News commentators and panelists seem to have developed a similar strategy involving interrupting and talking over anyone presenting an opposing viewpoint. Whose brilliant idea was this? I find myself yelling even louder and telling them to “shut up”, so I can hear the other side of the issue. How will I know if I agree or disagree if some moron who I have already listened to is talking over them?
I have a proposal. I think when they introduce the panelists and show their names under them, they should also have their mother’s name and phone number. Better yet, have their moms standing by in the studio with their own phone lines. When one of the panelists starts interrupting and trying to shout down someone, we should be able to tell his or her mother. That mom could walk onto the set, slap them up side of the head and remind them that she did not raise them to act like that. I predict that it would almost instantly end the annoying interruptions.
Now if we could only torture and imprison anyone who is found guilty of writing an infomercial, I could finally watch television in silence.
posted by HCaldwell | 6:30 AM
1 Comments:
I really love your blog- it's hilarious.
And I do the same thing, there is poor mum crying at the tele and I'm sitting there shouting as many abusive words I can think of at it!
Seriously though- you had me (and mum) in fits of laughter for at least five minuets. Are you a comedian
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