On being a renaissance man

I do have a wide variety of interests. As I have stated previously, I am an “old guy who knows how to do stuff”. I am blessed with the attention span of a three year old combined with the memory (and coincidentally, wrinkly knees) of an elephant. I read a lot. I make stuffy, pompous sounding statements like, “You did well” instead of “You did good”. These conditions can conspire to create the unlikely situation where someone will actually say to me, “My, you are quite a renaissance man.”

First of all, that is entirely untrue. I fall somewhere between being an antediluvian dilettante and an annoying know-it-all in the mode of characters like “Cliff Clavin from Cheers”.

Secondly, even if I wanted to have a personality transplant to change myself into an overachiever in order to fall into that category, I am not sure how much good it would do me. I have never seen a want ad that stated.

Wanted: Renaissance Man
An exciting opportunity exists for an individual to create and develop a worldwide rebirth of the sciences and arts. We are currently seeking to fill a fulltime position that will open scientific vistas throughout the Western World, excluding Texas and some parts of Canada. Qualified individual must have good communication skills, outstanding mental aptitude, and an unsurpassed artistic genius or any equivalent combination of education and experience. Must be a self-starter with own tools, CDL, insurance, vehicle, and workers comp. Ability to spend several years painting a chapel ceiling considered a plus.

In order to deflect this undeserved categorization, I have several smart-ass replies that I keep close at hand

"Yes, but my wife won’t let me wear my doublet, tights, and tabard in public.”

“No, actually I come from the Medieval Neo-Goth line of southern Illinois.”

“Why yes, I was born just prior to 1453. Does it show?”

And my favorite,

“Really, I always think of myself as more of an Australopithecus kinda guy.”