On speed bumps

Near the beginning of my daily drive, they have installed traffic control devices. The dreaded avian (brained) speed bump pandemic has started here. I honestly have no problem with speed bumps on residential streets. The speed limit there is twenty-five mile an hour. It is near a school. They serve a useful purpose and people should drive the speed limit on that street. In this case, however, these particular speed bumps have created a stealth speed limit of about ten miles an hour. I have not seen a single vehicle that can go over those monsters anywhere near the speed limit without putting the drivers nose into the steering wheel and/or generating horrendous grinding noises from the bottom of the undercarriage. It is not really a problem for those of us who drive this route often. We are forewarned of the toll these killer humps can exact, but I do pity the unsuspecting, speed limit driving, newcomers and their, soon to be less valuable, automobiles. The most amusing part (in a sick, demented sort of way) is the colorful assortment of automotive fluid stains, paint scrapes, bits of plastic trim, metal and rubber parts that are starting to decorate the surface of these monuments to road engineering gone awry. At first, I thought these obstructions were just the product of someone’s idiot nephew who had gotten a cushy job in the street department, Now, I am beginning to suspect that this might be an attempt at creating an urban artwork. If Christo can decorate Central Park, then some tormented blue collared soul can certainly express the sweep of his artistic vision by decorating suburban asphalt with decorative bits of automotive carnage. Someday I may be able to look back and say that, “It wasn’t just a daily commute, it was the birth of a masterpiece.”